Yesterday was one for the history books – 18 Champions League matches kicking off at the same time in one night! That has NEVER happened before. But let’s be honest, not all of us had the strength to keep up. Some people knocked out by halftime, others dozed off with their bet slips in hand, and a few were only in it for the drama on Twitter.
Still, waking up to see everyone talking about the games and you know absolutely nothing? Embarrassment must not catch you.
So here’s how to act like you watched everything – even though you were far gone in dreamland.
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1. Say Something About the Betting Wahala
Yesterday was do or die for a lot of bettors. People thought they were one goal away from buying a Benz, only for football to humble them. If you want to blend in, just shake your head and say:
“Omo, football na scam! One game cut my ticket. I for cash out.”
“These bookies sabi reset person destiny. I no go bet again!” (Even though we all know you will.)
2. Complain About ‘Unexpected’ Results
Every Champions League game has one shocking upset that leaves fans in tears. Just pick a random top team and act like they disappointed you. Example:
“Imagine Real Madrid conceding three goals? Ancelotti go wipe person for dressing room.”
“Bayern fans, sorry o. I no expect that nonsense. Football is finished.”
If someone asks which goals shocked you most, just mumble something and quickly change the topic.
3. Praise a Random Player Like You Were Studying Him
To sound like you actually watched, pick one player who had a good game and hype him. Twitter is always arguing about footballers, so just drop lines like:
“Bro, Jude Bellingham is inevitable. That guy is HIM.”
“Omo, Mbappé just dey run anyhow. Defenders no fit hold am.”
If someone asks for more details? Say ‘I no even fit talk, just go watch highlights’—that way, you dodge any deep analysis.
4. Throw in Some Tactical Jargons to Confuse Everyone
If people are discussing the game deeply, drop one technical statement and walk away before they ask for analysis:
“That team’s defensive transition was too slow. You can’t press high with that kind of midfield.”
“Bro, they had no structure in the final third. No patterns of play, just vibes.”
Nobody will question you—they’ll just nod like you’re a football genius.
5. Drag a ‘Finished’ Player for No Reason
Football fans LOVE slander. If you want to enter the conversation easily, just say something like:
“Omo, Ronaldo should just retire abeg.” (This will get instant engagement—whether people agree or fight you.)
“Messi fans, your GOAT is now doing tourism in MLS.”
“Maguire for Man U yesterday? Biggest fraud in football history.”
Even if they didn’t play, just drag them—it works.
6. End with ‘We Move’
No matter what, when the football discussion is getting too deep for you, just say:
“Omo, e no easy. Champions League games are special sha. We move.”
This phrase is the perfect escape card because it means nothing and everything at the same time.
See ehn, it’s not always easy to stay up for Champions League games; especially if you’re not that huge a fan. Believe me, I know. But you can still ‘feel among’ when your colleagues are bantering. Nobody needs to know jare.
Did one game cut your ticket yesterday? Let’s hear your pain in the Football Community!
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